As a precursor to any explanation on this issue, we must first have a very clear understanding of the concept of marriage in Islam and most people in the world and find out why this question has arisen.
According to the Quran: "It is He [God] who created you from a single soul, and made from it its mate, that he might find comfort with her" (7:189)
Obviously, there are other requirements for a person to fulfill when they decide to get married but Quran names comfort before anything else; that is most probably because the fulfillment of all the other needs also leads to the ease of mind and inner peace.
More interestingly, however, it is not only the holy Quran that says getting married is for the purpose of comfort; having a quick search on the internet makes you realize how all people around the world marry mostly for this emotional purpose, as well:
“…there is an important but neglected positive aspect that explains why people voluntarily enter into commitments like marriage: it is a way of expressing your love and devotion to another person. Not the only way, of course, but a well-established and particularly declarative way…” [1].
To fulfill this emotional need of a person, the only acceptable form of marriage which is agreed upon by almost all psychologists, and is also recommended by Islam is monogamy. It is within the monogamous type of marriage that all the equal rights of men and women are preserved.
The feelings of love, commitment, loyalty, security, trust, honor, and respect as well as many other benefits [2] can be fully achieved when one has only one spouse.
The reason has been explained in a comprehensive article. Based on what is discussed there, nowhere in the Quran, you can find a verse that suggests or encourages polygamy among men to attain more pleasure or to satisfy their carnal desires; there are no positive or negative comments on this regular unlimited tradition of the Arab culture.
Instead, the holy Quran imposes restrictions upon it and introduces it as a remedy to a social problem, i.e., the excess number of women in need of marriage over marriageable men, like at the time of war, etc.
Having discussed the concept of marriage in Islam and the limited law of polygamy which is introduced as an exception in case of special social needs, and nothing against the equality of men and women, do you still find the above question unanswered?
If yes, here are some reasons why polyandry is forbidden for women:
It destroys the family which is the foundation of a healthy society. It is usually NOT easy for a woman to perform her duties as a wife and a mother despite having several husbands.
It is against the nature of women and also inconsistent with men's innate desire for exclusivity and love for his wife and children [3].
It adversely affects women’s health, since women with multiple husbands are more prone to STDs.
It increases sterility among women which will result in population problems.
It may cause identification problems for the conceived child.
It may cause identification problems for the conceived child, which will ultimately lead to legal troubles.
These reasons may clearly show why polyandry is uncommon and frowned upon among Muslims and most people in the world. The Islamic point of view on this issue, however, can be summarized as: “Allah desires ease for you, and He does not desire hardship for you” (2:185), and Allah knows best what is good for you.
References:
Domestic violence is any violent or aggressive behavior by one person against another within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. These behaviors, used by one person in a relationship to control the other, occur in many forms; physical violence, verbal violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse.
All these acts and behaviors are rationally condemned, but, how does Islam react to this phenomenon and what solutions does it propose?
According to the Islamic teachings, any harm to oneself is either totally forbidden (Haram), or should be avoided and is detestable (Makruh); so is any harm to others [1].
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) said that whoever hurts others, God will hurt him; and, whoever inflicts pain on others, God will give him pain [2]. That is also true about any kind of domestic violence. Since it causes pain and harm to the victim, domestic violence is also condemned in Islam.
It is narrated that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) assisted the funeral of Sa'd ibn Ma'ad [i]. He (PBUH) did things during that funeral and respected him so much, that he (PBUH&HP) had never done in any funeral before. He (PBUH&HP) ordered to bath the corpse, and he (PBUH&HP) did the funeral prayer himself. But at the end of the event, he (PBUH&HP) declared that Sa’d is suffering from the pressure in the grave.
People were surprised that how come that someone who has been such dignified by the prophet (PBUH&HP) is suffering from the grave pressure. Prophet (PBUH&HP) explained that Sa’d was bad-tempered towards his family [3].
In another narration, it is said that the worst of people is the one who is rough to his family [4]; i.e., whose wife gets frightened and children hide when he arrives home, and they feel relieved when he leaves [5]. On the contrary, as Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) said, the closest to the position of the prophet (PBUH&HP) before God is who behaves very well with his family and is the most beneficent to them” [6].
These examples show that every harsh treatment with the family will be counted and will be paid afterlife. Then, it is clear that any violence, either verbal or physical, is forbidden in Islam and will be punished severely.
Imam Ali (AS) has advised that: “the wife is really like a flower (it is fragile), put up with her in any case and accompany her nicely to have a pleasant life” [7]. It means that contrary to the rumors that Islam has permitted the husband to hit his wife, Islam has ordered to honor her and to treat her kindly; even if he no longer loves her (4:19).
Islamic teachings have always emphasized on the importance of the family and Muslims are advised to toleration in order to maintain the foundation of the family. Hence, in the case of a dispute between a couple, Islam invites to patience: “Whoever remains patient despite the misbehavior of his wife, God will reward him as great as Ayub's [ii] for his affliction.
Likewise, if a woman keeps patience despite the misbehavior of her husband, God will reward her as great as Asiya bint Muzahim (the Pharaoh's wife) [iii] .” [8].
When it comes to children, special attention is paid to their education. To raise well-behaved children with a good character, Islam forbids any humiliation and violence against them. Imam Ali an-Naqi (AS) said that: “Do not beat the child; just sulk with him, but not for a long time.” [9].
Although parents might blame their children under some conditions and in certain circumstances, they are warned against too much reproach. Imam Ali (AS) said that: “Excessive blame on anybody will increase the obstinacy.” [10].
It is notable that a true Muslim should also be tolerant and considerate towards other people as much as he/she is towards his family and relatives. This will be discussed further in another article.
Notes:
[i] One of the prominent companions of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP).
[ii] Prophet Ayub (PBUH) was afflicted by suffering for a lengthy period, but he never lost faith in God and forever called to God in prayer. He (PBUH) is known as the symbol of patience in Islam.
[iii] In the Quran, Asiya is described as the wife of Pharaoh who reigned during the time of Prophet Moses (PBUH). Unlike her husband, she was humble and accepted the faith that prophet Moses (PBUH) preached. She died while being tortured by her husband. In Islam, she is known as one of the greatest women of all time.
References:
- S. A. al-Muttaqi, “Kanz al-Ummal”, T. 9498.
- S. A. al-Muttaqi, “Kanz al-Ummal”, T. 9518.
- Ibn Babawayh, “Ilal Al-Shara'I”, p. 310.
- Al Suyuti, “Jami al-saghir”, vol. 2, p. 77.
- Al-Haythami, “Majma al-Zawa'id”, vol. 8, p. 25.
- Ibn Babawayh, “Uyun akhbar al-Rida”, vol. 2, p. 38.
- S. H. al-Amili, “Wasail al-Shia”, vol. 37, p. 115.
- Ibn Babawayh, "Man la yahduruhu al-Faqih", vol. 4, p. 392.
- violence in Family
- Ghurar al-Hikam wa Durar al-Kalim, T. 4507.
Mothers in Islam are held in very high esteem. How a Muslim should treat their parents, especially the mother, is underlined in the holy Quran and Hadiths [i]. Several verses in the Quran emphasize the difficulties that a mother goes through and the respect that should be accorded to her.
“We have enjoined man to be kind to his parents. His mother has carried him in travail and bore him in travail, and his gestation and weaning take thirty months. When he comes of age and reaches forty years, he says," My Lord! Inspire me to give thanks for Your blessing with which You have blessed me and my parents, and that I may do righteous deeds which may please You, and invest my descendants with righteousness. Indeed I have turned to you in penitence, and I am one of the Muslims” (46:15).
This verse mentions both parents in general but goes into detail in regards to the mothers in Islam because she faces challenges that a father does not. The command to treat parents with kindness means to shower love, affection, and piety on them, both in words and deeds.
One should treat them with respect under all circumstances, obey them unless it is something that God has forbidden, care for them in old age as they cared for you as a child, give priority to their orders over voluntary acts of worship.
And approach them with tender humility and mercy; not to raise your voice above theirs, nor to fix your glance on them, nor to call them by their names; to be patient with them, and never harm them verbally or physically.
But why should we be kind to our parents, especially our mothers? The Quran repeats the struggles a mother withstands in another passage to highlight the need for one to reciprocate their parents’ sacrifice for them:
“We have enjoined man concerning his parents: His mother carried him through weakness upon weakness, and his weaning takes two years. Give thanks to Me and your parents. To Me is the return. But if they urge you to ascribe to Me as a partner that of which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them. Keep their company honorably in this world and follow the way of him who turns to Me penitently. Then to Me will be your return, whereat I will inform you concerning what you used to do” (31:14, 15).
There are also verses in the Quran that the mention of servitude to God is immediately followed by the command of being kind to parents. This is also repeated throughout the Quran:
“Worship Allah and do not ascribe any partners to Him, and be good to parents…” (4:36).
“Your Lord has decreed that you shall not worship anyone except Him, and [He has enjoined] kindness to parents. Should they reach old age at your side one of them or both do not say to them," Fie!" And do not chide them, but speak to them noble words. Lower the wing of humility to them, out of mercy, and say," My Lord!” (17:23-24)
These verses indicate that after worshiping Allah alone, beautiful conduct to parents is the next most important duty for a Muslim. Mothers in Islam are due to this conduct even before fathers according to the command of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) in the story below:
A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet (PBUH&HP) said: ‘Your mother.’ The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: ‘Then your mother.’ The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet repeated: ‘Then your mother.’ The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: ‘Then your father’ [1].
The importance of the mother over the father is highlighted in this Hadith [i] by repeating “your mother” three times and then saying “your father” once in response to the man’s question.
All these Quranic verses and sayings (Hadiths) demonstrate the extraordinary worth of mothers in Islam. This religion considers the attainment of the last phase of perfection, namely paradise, dependent on the mother’s satisfaction, as Prophet Muhammad (PBUH&HP) said: “Heaven lies beneath the feet of mothers [2]”.
Notes:
[i]. sayings of the Holy Prophet (PBUH) and Imams
References:
- Bihar al-Anwar, v.74, p 49
- Mizan al-Hikmah, v.10, pp.712-713
- mother in Islam
- mother